When To Respond To Online Dating Messages

By on Dec 08, 2014 in Online Dating Messages Comments: 0. Tags:
How Long To Wait For a Message

Okay, here’s the real deal guy. Any woman who has responded to your profile has put her heart on the line — Fact.


Because after reading your intiguing message and checking out your profile and pics, she’s has responded to you because she saw something different or appealing about you and is genuinely interested.

Of course the chances that every woman you wrote to will reply, or that any one of them is the right person for you, are pretty slim. Depending on the region of the country you’re making contact with, your odds of having someone reply to your initial message vary. Many reasons exist why many people don’t respond.

Remeber you don’t have to respond to someone sending a ‘wink’ or a ‘smile’ or a ‘teaser’, they are usually not expecting a response. Women who send these kinds of winks and teasers are often too shy, too lazy, too cheap to subscribe or too busy multi-dating to send a real email.

Similarly, I choose not to respond to women who simply attach their profile with no note, or who send a four-line generic form letter. Of course whether you respond is your personal preference. However, I believe that if someone has taken the time to read my profile and send me a complimentary note expressing genuine interest, then they at least deserve a few minutes of my time to look at their profile and respond with a kind note. Not replying is a sure way of discouraging them and knocking confidence.

Basically the conversation is a two-way flow of communication between a sender and receiver. There is give and take: the sender and receiver alternate roles. A conversation is not all about you, nor all about them.

Here is a typical response that keeps the conversation going after the first e-mail exchange:

Hi, I am delighted that you wrote back and yes, in response to your question, I would like to continue getting to know more about you. You have a great sense of humor and I liked what you said in response to my question about your family and values. They are very similar to mine.

I also have two children, one aged 8, who wants to try out for every team boys play in, and my eldest, whose computer, I fear, has become a permanent part of his body at the tender age of 11.

I have to email him to tell him its dinner time. I agree that parenthood is a serious responsibility and full of daily challenges!
You sound like a great parent who also enjoys children as much as I do. What do you enjoy doing most with your children, and what is the hat game you said you all play?

When I have free time I often curl up with a good book and listen to smooth jazz. In fact, I just finished reading the book you listed as one of your favorites.

At some point, you may be involved in two or more e-mail exchanges that seem promising, which at times can feel a bit scary. Why? Well, you may cross wires and screw them both up. Another reason is that you know you’ll soon have to make up your mind – and you could easily be wrong. The best advice is to stay on e-mail as long as possible to get to know more about each prospect.

We males get a tiny fraction of email. Even though most sites are within 10 percent of being equally balanced between male and female postings, you won’t find any balance at all with respect to who writes most of the mail. Men write most of the e-mail, which is probably a cultural bias, but there you have it.

I know some men who respond to women’s initial e-mails too quickly – not minutes, but nanoseconds. They stay on the computer all day as if they were on a fishing expedition, just waiting to catch a live one, hoping that a quick response will get a relationship going faster. This is a big mistake, it smacks of desperation, and it just doesn’t work. When men they hardly know or recently met online hear from you too quickly or too constantly, they will think you have no life, even if your ad or profile states how busy and wonderful your life is!

But at the same time you must remember that the whole reason you’re here is to get dates and it’s imperative that you stay on top of your messages if you want that to happen. Staying in the habit of responding quickly to the people that you’re really (or even mostly) interested in will not only get you more dates from the site, but it keeps your head in the game. When you consistently respond and date, you’re less likely to fall in to a rut.

So to give the right impression – that you are a busy guy with hobbies and lots going on and hardly any time for chit-chat then check your ad-related mail only once a day and then respond to any emails from potential dates met online or offline 24 hours after you receive them.

There is nothing less effective than e-mailing women back instantly.

Firstly check out this example of how not to do it:

“I’ve enjoyed chatting with you for the last few days, but I’ve been simultaneously corresponding with another woman, and we’ve decided to meet. I don’t know if it will go anywhere, because most of these things don’t, but I want to be honest and not date two people at the same time. Would you mind if I contact you again, assuming you’re also available, if my date doesn’t work out?”

In the example above the guy has given away too much information. The person he has emailed will think “who does he think he is – tells me I am second best and he still has the nerve to ask if I will continue if things don’t work out – who is he kidding?”

As I said earlier, online dating gives you some information about the person with which to start. It is much easier to initiate and respond to a conversation when you have some areas to pick up on, and you are starting slower than with traditional dating. You are feeling each other out as you decide whether or not to continue contacting each other. Certain emails will reflect that the individuals took the time to continue to construct personal and specific emails that are conversational and have a give and take flow.

Creator’s Tip:

  • Humor and creativity are important

  • Don’t reveal too much too quickly

  • Check your emails once a day and then respond to 24 hours later

  • Curt responses give an abrupt impression and will not differentiate you from your competitors

  • You can write, edit, re-edit, delete, and so forth until the e-mail is actually sent

  • Be proactive

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