Handling the Dreaded Online Rejection

By on Mar 31, 2013 in Online Dating Messages Comments: 0. Tags:

There is nothing quite so disheartening as scanning a million profiles, setting your sights on a beautiful woman, agonizing over your message to her, sending it with hope, and then receiving no response, or a “thanks, but no thanks.” The truth of the matter is, there’s no one on the planet who will achieve 100% success rate. Believe me, everyone will get that punch in the stomach, and oddly enough, it always seems to be from someone you really wanted to connect with.

Fear of rejection is such a powerful human emotion that it guides (and often misguides) our actions. Although we are rarely aware of it, nearly every action we take is subconsciously influenced by our inner fear of “losing face,” as the Japanese would say. And although this control mechanism is healthy, the problem is that our fear of rejection often overwhelms us and prevents us from making sound decisions and taking reasonable risk.

In online dating, people tend to draw on fears they discovered from their first (and worst) teenage dating experiences. I know from other peoples experience that the threat of rejection assumes great importance when it gets tied up with their self-image. In some cases, taking rejection personally would really crushes their spirits and keeps them from trying any kind of activity.

The good news is that you don’t have to let rejection crush you. If you are turned down, it is most likely because that person is not attracted to the part of yourself that you portrayed in your profile or through your instant messages. And since we know this represents only a part of you, there is no need to take any of it personally.

Like I always say…”just move on and get back in the game”.

Believe me… Rejection Is Not Personal.

The reasons why guys are rejected are not as obvious as you may think. Following are some of the most common reasons:

– Your photo doesn’t ‘move’ me
– Your profile has a deal breaker in it
– You wrote to a person who’s out to play.
– You wrote to someone who’s overwhelmed.
– You wrote to someone who is intimidated by your photo/ profile.

There is a definite way to ensure that you are never rejected in online dating – don’t sign-up. Everyone should understand that, at some point, no matter how hot or fabulous you think you are, someone will reject you.

Plan on it, count on it, and be prepared to deal with it.

Even if you never send a single e-mail to anyone, you will eventually experience rejection. These are emails that you receive from someone and respond to and then the person suddenly loses interest and disappears. You may feverishly exchanging hot e-mails with a women for quite some time, and suddenly she disappears for no reason. You won’t know her name or phone number, and you’ll be blocked from sending her any further email messages. This certainly happens more often than not on the Internet than in real life. It hurts, but doesn’t really matter.

A single inquiry that is non-confrontational may be in order, such as;

“It’s been awhile since we spoke, and I am wondering about your silence. Is something else going on with your life? Have you decided that you don’t want to communicate with me anymore? If it’s the latter, it’s okay. I just want to be certain.”

It’s tempting to insert an apology here, something along the lines of “If it was anything I said or did…”, but please resist the urge to do this. It isn’t necessarily anything you did so don’t be so quick to wipe up the spilled milk.

How should you react if you send a cyber-flirt or an email message and she tells you that she’s not interested? Maybe you are good at handling rejection. Perhaps you have learned not to take things personally. You can ignore the message, shrug your shoulders, and try someone else. But before you shrug it off and move on, it may be wise to try to identify any clues that might explain why you did not get a thumbs-up. Turn rejection into a learning experience. Instead of wasting time on pity patrol, perhaps it might be a good idea to review your profile.

Perhaps these three guidelines will help you get over them and stay in the game until you find your perfect match.

1) The problem may not be with you but with the way you present yourself. And the most important part of your online presence, when it comes to grabbing attention and attracting interest, is, yes you got it….your photo.

2) If you are being rejected consistently, read over your profile and make sure it doesn’t contain too many restrictive clauses. Restrictive clauses are statements of what you do or do not want or characteristics and qualities that you are looking for in a person. If, for instance, your profile contains a series of statements that specify that you are only looking for someone with that criteria.

3) By the same token, if the answers to the multiple choice questions in your profile are overly restrictive, you may want to consider loosening them up.

So, what is the cure for the rejection blues? Recognize that the fastest way out of the gloomy feeling is to get back in the game. Get back online and that rejection will start to fade away quickly. You may even decide to switch to a different geographic area if the one you have been searching has dried up. Many sites have overlapping communities, so you can switch geographic areas without taking the risk of a long- distance relationship.
Put the rejection in perspective.

Most rejection occurs in the early stages of email exchanges – one or two exchanges and then silence. Sometimes it ends with a simple “Bye.” Instant messaging exchanges can even be more abrupt.

Now for comparison, consider the price of in-person dating rejection:

You made phone contact with your blind date, requiring the emotional investment of name and phone number exchanges, not to mention loss of anonymity.

You made an appointment to meet.

You drove to the appointed place.

You may have spent money on a meal or drinks, or transport.

Creator’s tips:
So guys whatever you do, don’t let rejection affect your online dating mojo. Just man-up, forget about it, or get to the bottom of it, learn from it and use it to improve your profile, then move on.
Besides usually rejection will just lead you to something far bigger and far better…and that’s the beauty of online dating – no love is ever lost.

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