First Contact Rules for Dating

By on Dec 06, 2013 in Online Dating Messages Comments: 0. Tags:
first-contact

In the new age of online dating, Facebook, web-cam, email, IM, cell-phones, PDA, Electronic Bulletin Boards, Twitter, voIP, YouTube, Ed209, Bluetooth and so many other 21st century communication devices quite literally in the palm of your hands, some would say this online dating game has been made ridiculously easier with these technologies. So many ways to connect with, but at the same time so many ways to get it wrong in nano-seconds. And being surrounded with all this modern day technology, some would even argue by raising the question...” uh do we actually need to meet up?”

But regardless of which method you use, ultimately a face-to-face will still be the ultimate goal’

So when it comes to initiating contact there are simply no set rules, because everyone is different. The key thing to remember is to give it a go and decide what works best for you.

Now when it comes to sending that first email there are a number of ways to initiate the approach of starting the conversation.

1. Formal introduction.
This can make you seem courteous and respectful, which, depending on the personality of the girl, may well be the way to go. You can then move from the formalities into talking about her and expanding on what you already know about her, not to mention introducing yourself a bit.

2. Informal approach by being creative.
This can be slightly riskier since it really depends on the woman. Your unique style may seem to quirky for her and in fact may drive her away. However in my 13 years experience of initiating contact, most are incredibly intrigued by this approach.

But what ever method you do decide to use, it still comes down to the fact of; “what shall I say in my first e-mail?”… and I can honestly say that this is one of the major failure areas for guys when it comes to online dating.

So whilst embarking on your nihilistic journey through the darkness of cyberspace, you must remember that your written words are you. It’s not only important what you write, but how you write it. Ok, here’s some basic things you need to adhere to:

Keep it Brief – Keep it relatively short. Long emails are a big turn-off… Leave her wanting more.

Set the Bait – You want to spark interest so they will view your profile and write back to you.

Be Unique – Stand out from the pack. Take a risk and dare to be yourself.

Keep it in your pants – If you start talking about sex right away or compliment her in a sexual manner, you’re out…Game Over.

Keep some Mystery – Do NOT reveal a lot about yourself in your first e-mail, just write enough to get attention and get her to write you back.

Be Sincere – Think carefully and honestly about why you want to write to this person.

Spell / Grammer check – Don’t forget to run a full spell check and edit your email before sending.

Encourage a response – Ask a question and/or include a call to action.

Women love to be seduced and wooed – Therefore stay clear from coming on too strong or immediately suggest getting together.

Stay away from ambiguous statements – Always communicate clearly because it’s difficult enough to read/understand someone else’s tone.

Turn up the humor – Believe it or not, women find ‘Funny’ so sexy.

Don’t answer/send messages until – After midnight AND Wait at least 24 hours to answer emails.

Contact information – should be submitted once you get to the 4th email exchange and not on email #1, otherwise you’ll come across as a player.

Stay away from text talk – Believe me she will be rushing for the delete button the moment your message contains “Hw r u do’n 2day?”.

Flattery by itself is a weak opener – Because it does not invite other conversation.

Always keep that in mind when making first contact with somebody. Girls will not tolerate the judgements and stupidity of a male, especially online.

If she posted some questions in her profile, this is an excellent opening for you. A good first e-mail or instant message picks up on something from a posted profile, states your response, and shows a little about you. Find something that stood out in the profile, which lets her know that you have taken the time to read what she wrote, and you both have something in common.

Here is an actual response to a very simple headline that I posted on one of my profiles:

Headline: “Do you have nice teeth?”

Email replies:

“Hello the Creator! I wanted to say that I have all of my teeth except for my molars. Is that considered still having all of my teeth?”

“Hi Creator, Hey I love your profile. I understand how you feel about teeth. I always get compliments regarding my smile and teeth. There almost isnt anything as sad as a nice looking man with bad teeth or gold. Lol. Hope you are having a great day. Deb”

“Hello Mr Creator…I do! Never had a cavity in my life!”

“Hi Creator, Ha-ha-ha-ha lol I love your profile, Do you have nice teeth? I often wonder the same thing!! I hope you have had a good week. Don’t forget to smile ;-)”

“Hi creator my name is Cassandra and yes I have my own teeth LOL if u want to know more about me u can ask”

“Yummy Creator….and yes I have all my original 32 and no cavities or fillings just one gold tooth.”


Things to Look Out For

Be upbeat and enthusiastic in your message.

Avoid being cutesy as this often backfires.

Be confident. If you are playful with words, this is a great time to use humor and get a fun conversation going.

It is a good idea also to counter questions with a question or two of your own.

Show that you are taking the other person seriously.

Do not bluff – in other words do not try to show you know something more about his or her interests or backgrounds than you do.

Here are some actual e-mails that my respondents or I have received:

How would you respond to each of these?

Which ones would you answer?

Which ones turn you off?

Which ones are more effective at starting a conversation?

“Hi angel, how are you doing today? I read your profiles and i was really happy with it. Well i hope that we can meet online so that we can be able to have some conversation baby, and our conversation might be compatible and have a dream to share, what a nice picture of yours with good profiles , lets start and get to know one another, the journey of one thousand miles starts with a step, who knows may be we are really match.”

“ I read your profile and liked what I read. It sounds as if you are spunky and I like that. I love to travel and want to meet a woman who likes the kind of active adventures you describe and who has an upbeat attitude toward life. I am a lawyer, too. If you could change one thing in the world, what would that be? ”

“ Enjoyed reading about all the things you like to do. I have approximately the same list, but add: gardening and boating. I just moved to X, bought a house in Y. Boat is at my dock in the backyard. Based on what I read in your profile: I would appreciate an opportunity to get to know you. Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks for reading this. “

“ Normally I would by pass a profile as long as yours, but I found it to by interesting, yes all the way to the end. I loved it.”

Once you have created and sent out some opening messages it is easy to just sit back and hope for the mail to pour in and your soul mate to find you. Instead, actively use the Internet as a dating tool to get the results you want. This does take time but what is important is that you keep going to the bus stop – sooner or later the right bus is likely to come along. This is why you cannot give up the search. It is easy to become frustrated and opt out.

New singles are coming online all the time and while you are looking, you are improving your skills, learning what works and what doesn’t, and becoming even clearer about what you want, as well as what you do not. Usually people remain active online until they meet someone and then cancel their subscription. If this relationship ends, they sign up again on the same or another site.

Thankfully times have changed and it’s quite normal for women to contact men first. But don’t look at this as if they are desperate; it simply indicates that they are interested in you, which is good. Besides men absolutely love it when women write to them. Men, just like women, like to have someone indicate an interest in them. By implementing my tools, techniques and tips found here you’ll no doubt find yourself in a position where you’re receiving so many e-mails, just keeping up with these will be enough. You won’t have time to search for additional women.

Creator’s Tip:

Don’t pester her for her pictures. Not right away, anyway. She needs time to get comfortable with you, and the only way for that trust to develop is to become familiar to her. Given how it’s impossible to tell what will happen to a picture transmitted to someone else online, it’s no wonder that some girls are wary. Be content with the picture posted on the dating service for the moment and wait for a better opportunity.

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