Flirt Online in Realtime with Instant Messaging (IM)

By on Dec 05, 2013 in Online Dating Messages Comments: 0. Tags:

For some of you guys out there, Instant Messaging (IM) could be the best way to initiate contact with the opposite sex.


Simple…it will allow you to be the person you are.

Let me explain.

Ok maybe you’re one of these guys who’s a little backwards with coming forwards with the whole approach thing when it comes to trying to engage with women in bars and clubs.

So, by using IM that solid brick wall called nervousness can be easily smashed down. I tend to look at IM as an instant shot of Courage. You can be suave, smooth and cool without reservations.

With Instant Messaging (IM) you can reach others quickly. You can also make connections in a flash with text messaging via cell phone, and by chatting with people in chat rooms. In each case, you achieve a sense of immediacy that you don’t get with email. But on the other hand, it isn’t quite as “in your face” as a phone conversation or an in-person meeting.

IM removes the suspense. You look around to see if someone is online; you send that person an instant message: the response pops up and you are instantly engaged in a conversation.

And that’s why it’s so incredibly popular.

The back-and-forth comments occur nearly in real time. The slight delay is an important advantage; it gives you time to think of something to say or edit yourself before you blurt out something awkward. At the same time, you can overcome the shyness that might grip you when you want to meet someone in person.

IM is immediate, but that doesn’t mean your initial communications have to be ‘off- the-cuff’. If you don’t give any thought to what you’re going to say, you’re almost guaranteed to get no response. Unfortunately, IM’s very nature tempts users to start out with comments like these:

“Hey! How ya doin’? I was just cruising around the site and thought I’d say hi”

Women receive IM messages, winks, and emails from an endless assortment of interested males. Simply indicating that you’re a rough-and-ready kind of guy isn’t going to engage her attention at all (at least not in a positive way). Take the time to read each profile closely and think about something specific that interests you – a shared experience or perspective, ideally, or at least a quality you admire. If you both lived in London for a time or if you are both involved in politics, you’ve got some naturally insightful topics to mention (although, in the case of politics, you have to be careful not to get controversial too quickly). Expand on a part of the profile that is unique to the individual, and ask a question such as:

“Hello, I found your profile interesting, particularly the part about creating an English garden. As it happens, I’m in the process of clearing a patch of my back yard to plant some flowers. Can I ask for some advice about what would have the best chance of thriving and look really nice?”

Such an approach is almost guaranteed to get a response in the affirmative. Of course, it helps if you really are interested in plants and flowers, because you’re going to have to contribute some information about your own gardening activities, and possibly asked for your own opinions as well.

Another approach: Ask a question like this:

“Hi! I noticed your ad and was intrigued by a couple of things. Can I ask a quick question?”

An open-ended, non threatening approach like this will probably get a positive response too – once you are invited to talk, that is.

Keeps the conversation going, but not too long?

Once you strike up an instant messaging session with someone, don’t get carried away. IM talks are best when the comments are brief. It’s not the venue to launch into a diatribe about every last detail about your career, your life since your divorce, or anything in depth for that matter. Imagine that you’re having a conversation with someone on a long airplane trip.

You will have a better chance of continuing to correspond if you keep comments short, light and breezy so that you don’t become an annoyance to the other person.

Informality is the rule when it comes to IM.

Acronyms are used frequently to speed up messaging. Some of the more common ones include the following;

BTW: By the Way

DOB: Date of birth

f2f: Face to lace

FYI: For your information

h/w/p: Height/weight/proportional

ISO: In search of

LJBF: Let’s just be friends

LOL: Laughing out loud

LTR: Long-term relationship

n/s: No-smoker

WLTM: Would like to meet


Online Chat

The other kind of real-time communication method you can use is online-chatting and these have been around at least as long as the Internet. Like other real-time systems, chat gives participants immediate results. If you’re more comfortable with chatting, by all means use this facility. Remember online dating is about choosing the venue and method of communication with which you are comfortable.

A chat room is a virtual location that allows individuals who are connect to The Internet to type messages to one another and hold conversations. But I tend to look at them more like virtual bars where men and women are sitting around on bar stools or mingling and making jokes with drinks in their hands. However, the only difference is no one knows what anyone else looks like – it’s like going on a big blind date to a certain degree.

I suppose Chat rooms were the original dating sites and were originally set up to provide a forum for communities of like minded people to connect and discuss or debate specific topics. Chat rooms can be very useful to connect with people with common interests or in your area of expertise, study, work or hobby. They are also used to help members of clubs and associations to connect, ask questions and share information with each other. Beware! Some chat rooms can become very territorial.

Since chat rooms are the most anonymous way to connect, people can lie, deceive, change their names, change their stories and be anyone they want to be while they manipulate conversations. Some people do it just for kicks; others have more sinister motives.

The majority of people use chat rooms not because they are seriously seeking love, but because they are bored or looking to avoid loneliness or just want to chat with someone to pass the time.

You don’t need chat rooms to online date. Avoid wasting time and energy trying to get to know people there. You’ll start at ground zero with little or no information and have to ask too many questions about basics like height, weight, location, marital status, etc. You can never be sure whom you’ll meet, their real age,motivations or even their gender. The risk of disappointment and danger is too great.

Chat rooms can be like trying to have an intimate conversation with someone in a dark room, blindfolded while anyone can eavesdrop. All the messages people send appear on the same screen, like a noisy party full of conversation. There can be anywhere from two to hundreds of people chatting at any given time, identified only by their catchy username.

And oh, chat rooms aren’t all created equal!

Public chat rooms in which anyone and everyone congregate to visit about a particular topic aren’t generically a good place to look for a date. Such chat rooms are usually focused, however loosely, around a particular topic, and people are looking to blow off steam about a particular topic or simply to chat; they are there for the specific purpose of hooking up.

Just a few things to remember though about chat rooms, some people can become quite aggressive if you don’t answer immediately their succession of rapid-fire of quick questions:

“How old are you?”

“What do you do?”

“How’s the dating scene going?”

This then usually follows by a series of aggressive messages…

“Where are you?”

“You’re busy chatting with someone else, aren’t you?”

This can be a massive turn-off. Going into a chat room should be relaxing, a time to have some fun conversation, meet new people. It’s not a place where you should feel as if you are being interrogated – tread with caution.

Some dating sites offer a one-on-one chat room that you invite a date to enter for a private conversation. This is a form of no-frills instant messenger. I tend to use these one-on-one chat rooms only after profiles have been reviewed or there has been an exchange of at least three emails each. You should be relatively satisfied that there is common ground and attraction.

Creator’s tips:

If you want to be successful at online dating, give instant messaging (IM) a try – most dating services provide a messaging system for connecting with other members.

Do Your Homework Before You Initiate Contact.

Many IM systems give you the option of communicating not only by typing but also by audio and video, provided you have a microphone and/or webcam connected to your computer.

Give some thought to your instant message, text message, or chat comments by researching someone before you first approach them.

Keep instant message, text message, or chat conversations brief and non-threatening; don’t lose sight of the eventual goal of asking someone for a face-to-face meeting.

Public chat rooms that aren’t part of online dating services don’t generally provide a good venue for finding a date. However, private chat rooms on dating service sites can help you make connections that lead to dates.

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